Throw Yourself Away
by LovinaVargas33
Summary: Spamano. Mentions of Frumano. Fem! Romano. Antonio x Lovina. Lovina is upset about her break up with Ex, Francis; she goes to the local bar and meets a sexy Spaniard who lives out of town. A one night stand couldn't hurt could it? Side pairings of Gerita, Prucan and Fruk with small mentions of lots of others.


Throw yourself away

Spamano. Mentions of Frumano. Fem! Romano. Antonio x Lovina. Lovina is upset about her break up with Ex, Francis; she goes to the local bar and meets a sexy Spaniard who lives out of town. A one night stand couldn't hurt could it? Pregnant! Romano what happens when the baby is born? Side pairings of Gerita, Prucan and Fruk with small mentions of lots of others.

* * *

I walked away. He did it again! He cheated on me with that Brit! I slammed his apartment door and walked to the closest bar. One of my favorites ran by a cheerful Albino and his ever present Canadian boyfriend, Matthew.

I ordered a tall Limoncello, a lemon liqueur, and sat at the bar pissed. Not long after my third or fourth Limoncello, a tall Spanish man greeted Gilbert, the owner and bartender, and asked for a Tinto de Verano. Like I know what that is. While Gil mixes his drink he looks me over. I was supposed to go on a date tonight so I was dressed up, I wore a green and grey horizontally striped shirt with a jean skirt that stopped just a few inches above my knees.

"_Hola, Mi nombre es Antonio, lo que es tuyo?_" He said, it sounded like a question but his accent was to die for. I wanted that to be something to the effect of "Do you want to come to my house and have sex?"

"_Cosa?_" I asked.

"Ah, you speak, English?" he asked almost pleadingly.

"Yes, _Idiota_, I speak English." I said a little snappier than I wanted.

"Oh, good; everyone I talk to here just ignores me or doesn't speak a language I do! Can you believe it," he asks as if it's the most horrific thing he has ever heard.

"Yes, the point is for people who don't speak regular languages to get together. Over there," I point to a man lounging with a cat on his head, "that's Heracles; he is here waiting for Kiku, a little Japanese man to walk out of the bathroom in exactly two minutes. Over there;" I point to a new couple. Two blondes, "The tall one with long blonde hair, that's my new Ex, Francis, he has been cheating on me with the short haired man sitting on the stool in front of him. His name is Arthur; he is actually dating Alfred who is at work right now. Who is brothers with Gilbert's boyfriend,-"

"Matthew" we say in unison. I stay quiet for a little bit and he starts in, "Gil is my friend and your Ex over there is too we were called the "Trio" back in high school. I had to move away for my job but I come back every weekend and get so drunk I can't walk."

I hop off the bar stool I had been sitting on. I thought I had finally found a nice guy, but no, this sexy piece of Spain had to be friends with Francis. I started to walk away, he grabbed my arm.

"I will go talk to him… but first I need to know your name, I am Antonio."

"Lovina, and you don't have to, I… umm… tried to fix it and got this," I brushed the hair away from face and showed him the growing bruise from where the French man had punched me for dumping him. Antonio places his fingers against my cheek to feel the swollen mass. I pulled away as fast as possible, tears brimming in my eyes.

He stood up so fast and balled his hands into fists; he raced over to Francis as I paid my tab and his. I looked over to see Antonio closing in on Francis getting frisky with Arthur who didn't want it at all. I watched as he pulled the drunken Frenchman away and shook him. I hear bits of incoherent words from both men most pertain to me and the bruise, Matthew comes out and pulls me to the back room.

"Lovina, I saw what he did to you. I am so sorry, I would give you some pain killers but you had your Limocellos tonight and you had quite a few. I can't give them to you now." He rambled, like usual when the bar turned into fight.

"Mattie, its fine the booze made it go away!" I say a little too cheerfully.

"Let's see if you can get Antonio to take you home okay?"

"Sure," I agreed. I tried to brush the hair out of my eyes and behind my ear and hit my bruise. I whimper with pain and flick at the tears streaming from my eyes, Matthew brings me a bag of ice seeing my distress and beckons Gilbert back to tell him to get Antonio back there before he beats up Francis and they have to call in the brawl.

Within moments Antonio is back and super protective of me. He begs Gilbert to let him take me home, they debate for almost half an hour. I finally feel dizzy from the drinks and ended up sitting on Antonio's lap without noticing and fell asleep.

I awoke to Antonio shaking my shoulder gently, "Lovina, wake up, Lovina." I cracked my eyes open to see that we were sitting in front of my house.

"Ah, how did I get here?" I slapped my cheeks trying to bring any kind of recollection. Then the pain hit me. I screamed in pain and bent over in the passenger seat. Antonio unbuckled my seat belt and let my seat belt go slack and I pried my body from the offending strap and slumped forward.

"Do you want me to carry you into the house?" Antonio asked so politely that I would never give second thought to it except for the fact that my sister lived across the street and her German boyfriend was very wary of the people I brought home so if he caught Antonio carrying me into my house he and Feli would be over in a matter of minutes.

"No," I lied. Truthfully I would love for him to carry me in. "I think I can walk," I say a little shaky from the pain but it does dull as I get out of the car and turn to see my sister's house, the living room lights are on and I see two figures standing watching, I wave at them with my hand high to signal to Feli that I am fine and the man who drove me home is a friend. The figures back away and the lights go off then I see the nightlight in Feli's bedroom go on. I turn away to see Antonio right behind me. I almost lost my balance; he grabbed my waist and pulls me close to prevent me falling back onto the concrete.

I blush at the close proximity and manage to ask him to come in with me. He walks me to the door and I reach for my phone and keys and realize I don't have them. Then remember I left them in my purse and I left that at the bar most likely. I then remember what I did with the spare. I blush a little deeper as I dig into the small pocket I sewn into the waistband of this skirt. Antonio looked at me like I was crazy but as I pulled the small key from the pocket he understood. I unlocked the door and pulled him inside turning on the lights for the living room.

"Oh take your shoes off please I just had my floors cleaned," I said as I slipped my shoes off setting them off to the side. I reached forward and grab the banister for the stairs and pull myself forward narrowly escaping the cat running past. "Vatican! Please! Don't kill me!" I pleaded with the cat looking like a pure idiot trying to reason with the cat.

"Vatican?" Antonio asked.

"Oh! Yeah when I was little and my grandpa gave this to me he was from Rome and told me all about the Vatican and things I was totally enthralled and named this cat Vatican. I know it's really stupid, but umm, hey, do you want a drink? I've got some 'fun' liqueurs that Feli left," I explain.

"Oh yeah, sure; umm, who's Feli?" he asks like an overbearing boyfriend, I chose to ignore it.

"No, no, Feli is my sister, Feliciana. I call her Feli like she calls me Lovi." I say and turn to the banister and climb the stairs. I ran up quickly and shut the bathroom door behind me as Antonio attempted to follow me he knocked on the door as I changed, startling me.

"Oh!" I gasped and jumped on my side of the door losing my footing and slipping on the slick tile and hit my head on the tub as I went down.

"Lovina? Are you okay?" Antonio asked quite distressed. I moaned a pained reply and pulled on the sweat pants I was trying to put on. In a few seconds he knocked again.

The door opened in a minute and he rushed in, setting the bobby pin, he used to jimmy the lock, on the counter ignoring as it fell down into the sink and probably into the drain for me to deal with later.

"Lovina? Are you okay? Talk to me," he slipped his hand into one of mine. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." I squeezed his hand lightly and said, "T-Tonio, I-I'm fine. Just help me stand."

He got to his feet and bent down to grab to hand and pulls me up as I put my right to my head where it hit. He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around inspecting my head for any injuries.

I realized what happened and immediately try to apologize, "Oh God, I am so sorry! Oh God, I hope your okay, I am so sorry!" I blubber. He presses a light kiss to my forehead and I freeze. No one ever showed that kind of affection to me. I was always called short tempered, mean, evil. No one kissed me except Francis and that was only because he wanted to make up for going and having sex with Arthur the night before and then he would always want sex too. I never gave it to him and then he started seeing Arthur more and more and then it was like he just decided that since I wouldn't play his game he was done with me! I was trash! My eyes began to blossom with new tears, and Antonio pulled back and froze.

"N-No one has e-ever been so n-nice to m-me before," I hiccupped with my tears streaming down my face, full-on crying now.

"Oh Lovi, shhhh! Why? You are the sweetest little thing ever! And when you blush it's like a little ripe tomato on your cheeks. Francis didn't kiss you? Or tell you how cute you are?" I shake my head and he hugs me.

"Would you like that glass of whatever I have, I think I have some wine that Francis left," I say as I pull away from him and drying my tears. He let go and I turned pulling my shirt down and my pants up to make myself just a little more presentable even if I was in sweats.

"We don't have to drink the wine from him," he said using a little venom with 'him.' I smiled at the thought of drinking his wine and then using it to get so drunk we ended up doing the one thing Franny wanted the whole five months we were together. He seemed to catch on to my thoughts and smiled too. "Never mind how much is left?"

I lead him downstairs to the kitchen through the living room and pull out two wine glasses and a bottle of French wine, something fancy but not that we care; I poured the wine with all the grace I have left. Which is quite a bit, we drink the whole bottle and go in search of something a little stronger I find the Captain I hide on top of the fridge and climb on the counter to reach it; on my decent I almost slip and lean back grabbing the handle on the door of the fridge and it swings open pushing me back to the counter.

We both scream in fear of losing the drink, I pull a few cokes out of the fridge, now open and inviting. I get rid of the small wine glasses and bring out the big tall glasses from when my grandfather thought I needed a few sets of drinking glasses since he never thought I would any more successful and would end up turning my restaurant into a bar since everything I do is wrong and what Feli does is perfectly okay. I relay this Antonio and he just laughs and tells me how cute I am and when I blush I look like a tomato.

Both way past just buzzed and hammered anymore. He has been kissing my hands and cheeks for the past … three drinks, maybe it's four, I can't remember anything past almost falling off the counter going after the rum for the second time. He tells me he wants to kiss me but doesn't want to push me. I can't decide if he is as drunk as I am but right now I could care less.

He leans forward and I meet him halfway and push my lips to his. It's an innocent kiss, full of trust and the taste of more rum than coke anymore. I pull away soon after; I gulp my air and dive in for round two. I slide my tongue against his lips and gain entrance I slide my tongue in to his mouth. We battled for dominance at first but I let him win. He seemed to relish in the idea of what could follow. I put my arms around his neck sliding from my chair to his lap. In my drunken haze this all seemed so right.

He doesn't live in town.

He only comes on the weekends to get super drunk.

We are drunk now.

He won't remember anything we do.

I won't remember anything we do.

I only go to bars on the weekend to get super drunk.

If I see him again he probably won't remember anything with all the rum I've gave him tonight.

I am safe.

Nothing can happen to me.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the bed.

On top of Antonio.

"Hmmm, if I wasn't so hung over, I think I would scream and ask what happened. But knowing I can't remember anything to save my life, he probably can't either," I said not knowing he was awake and listening to me.

"Even if I knew, I don't know that I could tell you. You're so cute when you are thinking so hard," he said with a grin that would piss anyone off. I screamed.

I got up hurriedly and grabbed my robe from the peg on the wall when I realized, I had absolutely nothing on except my grandmothers hundred year old necklace that I promised I would never hurt. Apparently they made necklaces really well back then because it is still intact and I know I didn't just sleep last night.

He sat up and reached for his boxer which had landed mere inches from where I stood I kicked them at him. He stood and slid them on. He reached for his other clothes and put them on in a hurried fashion, while I pick up mine and put them in the hamper in the corner of the room. I went to my closet and pulled out some new clothes and went to the bathroom to change. Not like it mattered anymore but I was not about to go for "a new round" and end up pregnant. That would ruin me. I have no one to help me for six weeks then a babysitter and… no use in worrying about what I don't want to happen.

I stepped into the shower hoping to evade the prying eyes of Tonio- Wait. Tonio? Since when did Antonio turn into Tonio as a term of endearment!

I silent fumed in the shower when I heard the door open and shut and a car start and pull from the drive. I finished my shower and wrapped a towel around myself and ran down the stairs to find his car gone with him inside taking him to his house; away from me.

'Good Riddance,' said my brain but my heart shattered.

I walked to the bathroom to put on fresh clothes and walked into the kitchen to find it clean. Sparkling. He must have cleaned for me. Done the dishes and put them away for me. My heart screamed for not getting his number.

I walked to the stove to find a little pink sticky note. "I hope I put everything away correctly it was hard to remember what went where after all the rum." I glanced around and checked all the cabinets. Everything was in place; nothing out of the ordinary. Then I saw it a piece of notebook paper folded to make a tent. 'Lovi' scrawled across one side of the tent. I picked it up and opened it forty dollars fell out.

"Dear Lovi,

Thank you for the hospitality, I enjoyed the drinks here is some money to compensate for the one wine bottle and three Captains that we drank last night.

I want to thank you for the best sex of my life. And I am sorry I had to go but I am needed at work today otherwise I would have drove you back to the bar to pick up your car and purse. (I called this morning a man named Birdie took it home with him you are supposed to know who that is.)

I also want you to know that I didn't have any protection and you didn't care but I thought you would like to know. I am sorry, deeply. I hope nothing happens. I left my number on your fridge, where it says 'important numbers' I figured mine belonged up there too.

Deeply sorry about what happened,

Tonio

I nearly fainted.

No! This couldn't happen to me! Not me! I can't let this happen! I ran to the bathroom and pulled out the test. 'Stupid I have to wait I bet I will give it a week.' I put it back and got dressed putting the practically clean sheets in the laundry. I hope to god this doesn't turn out to be a 'miracle,' I would die of embarrassment. Feli isn't married and she doesn't have kids! I am not married, I shouldn't be having sex with my ex's friends the night I dump him!

Just then there is a knock on the door. My heart skips a beat; Maybe Tonio came back and blew off work. I run to the door pulling my shirt in place and reaching for the door I compose myself and open the door with a cheery face.

"Hello!" I practically sing, until I see, its Francis with a bouquet of flowers. Roses to be exact, his signature, 'I'm sorry I was a horses rear end, take me back, then we have sex and pretend this never happened' flower.

"Francis. What do you want," I say using enough venom to kill a football team just in saying his name.

"Why to apologize to mon amour," he said with that annoying French accent.

"No," I say taking the rose and snapping the stem in half. "I will not take you back, I will not have sex with you, and I will not kiss you. You just stand there for a minute and think about what you have done while I make a small phone call." And I handed him the rose and slammed the door.

I pulled my cell phone out and dialed Alfred. He can fix this with Artie if he really wants him.

"Hello? Hero talking!"

"Al, it's me, Lovina. Hey just so you know I went to the bar last night and Francis was basically going to get it on with Artie right there in the stool he was sitting on."

He gasps, "Not my Artie!"

"Yes Al, your Artie. Franny is here at my house be a hero and get rid of him. Would you?"

"Yes boss! Can I beat him up?"

"What's the rule?"

"I may only beat up creepers on my own property and take full blame," he repeated almost mechanically.

"Good boy, I'll slip in an extra forty or so this week to your paycheck for the diner."

"Okay the Hero is outside bye-bye Miss Lovina!" I watch as his car pulls up and he climbs out.

"Bye-bye Sweet Hero of Mine!" I say with all sincerity and hang up; I slide my phone back into my pocket and open the door. Francis' face is grave.

"No, Al what are you doing here, Baby, what are you doing?"

I smile as Al grabs his shoulders. "Oh Al be a Hero and take out the trash," I say with a sweet ring in my voice. Al starts to drag him away when I remember, "oh Al, come here Sweetie," I give him a peck on the cheek and turn to Francis. "I can always do better than you, you cheat all you want but Al and I know you will always go back to Arthur and make him cheat my Hero Al here out of a perfect boyfriend." I pat his cheek a little harder than necessary, "oh and Tonio, he is such a nice man. So gentle too." I say the truth in my voice flowing like a river.

Both men just stopped, and stared.

"Tonio?" they said in unison, and then glared at the other. "Tonio, as in, Antonio?" again with the unison.

"Yes now you can take him away." I waved to Al as he put Francis in the back of his car and put a little rope around arms so he wouldn't get away I walked back in the house and shut the door just as my phone started to ring.

"Hello, Lovina speaking," I say waiting for the reply.

"Lovi, who is Al taking away this time? Did Al bring you home?" Feli rattle on and on, no chance of escape he would get me every time. I knew she would be calling but not this early.

"Feli, look I am home. Al just removed Francis from the property and Al didn't bring me home. I was supposed to go on a date with Francis when I caught him making out with Arthur so I dumped him he then punched me and I ran. I made it to the bar down there and met a nice Spaniard he brought me home after he told me he was friends with Gil and Francis in high school and almost beat up Francis. We came home and we drank the wine that Francis had left here and then some of the Captains that Grandpa insisted on buying me," I walk into the kitchen and pull out a bowl and go on the hunt for some reasonable cereal. "I woke up with him this morning and he got dressed and left."

"No goodbye? And what do you mean, 'got dressed'," Feli asked quite quickly picking up on my slip up.

I sighed, "I woke up naked on top of him, he was naked to so I guess it was okay. And yes he did tell me goodbye, he had to leave before I got out of the shower so he left me a note and forty dollars for the drinks."

Feli can be dense sometimes, this is a great example.

"You had Sex!"

I laid my head non to softly on the counter. "No Feli we laid in bed completely naked for no reason. Of course we had sex!"

Feli begins to cry. I sigh and hang up. I slip on the shoes I wore last night still sitting by the door and walked across the street I bent down to the mat and pulled the key out from under and unlocked the door, then put the key back. Feli was sitting on the couch just inside the door crying her eyes out.

Ludwig, her live-in boyfriend walks in, immediately concerned for her and not the fact that I just walked into his house unannounced.

"Herzchen? What happened?" he asks in that annoying German accent of his.

"Potato," I start with his nickname that seems to fit the potato loving German. "I did it now go away this is between sisters not sisters and the one boyfriend," I snap. He willingly walks away in fear of me tackling him and upsetting my sister more.

"Feli," I try to be gentle. I have never been the gentle one; that was always Feli's job. "Look, come to my house, I'll show you the letter everything!"

Reluctantly she followed me, I showed her the kitchen. She "Ve'd" in awe at how nice he was, and put everything away for me, and leave me cash for the drinks, I politely agreed remembering his letter to me.

Then she read the letter.

She threw the letter to the floor and marched into my living room to "talk" with the last of the Vargas family. Truth be told, she can't talk to them. She means to say, she is going to use our parents and grandfathers ashes on my mantel against me.

Our grandfather sits in the middle with our mother to the left and father to the right. With Grandpa's urn being taller and more decorative than our parents' urns; she stood in front of the mantel and fell to her knees and said the prayer that Grandpa had taught us since we were little. She nodded a few times, still keeping up the act that she could talk to the urn like she did when mom and dad died; she stood and pointed at Grandpa's urn.

"You made out on the couch?" she shouted incredulously.

"Feli-"

"Don't even! No," tears billowed in her eyes while she talked in a shaky voice. "No! Really _Sorella_? You couldn't even compose yourself in front of Mom, Dad, _AND Nonno_?" tears ran steadily from her eyes and she ran upstairs to her old room from when she and I shared the house. I hadn't touched a thing, just in case that German Jack- no, Feli loves him, I have to let go.

I slowly followed her up the stairs to find that she hadn't gone in her room, she went into mine. She pulled at the curtains I had left drawn. She dug around under the pillows, and then in the cases, under the bed. She pulled out a second letter and it read "Lovi" in Antonio's handwriting.

She opens it and looks like she is going to read it, then she rips it up into about ten pieces and storms out of my house, across the street, with a strangled, "Think of the people you're hurting!"

And she was gone I thought about running after her. But it didn't matter I could always serve her a little pasta and some wine and she would forgive me, hopefully. I scoop up the pieces and run downstairs to the counter.

"No," I whisper. Begging the paper to somehow mend itself so I could read it, I could place all the papers in the right alignment, now I just had to read the letter to see what Tonio has actually said.

Dear Lovi, I was hoping you would find this when you changed your sheets. You are the best thing I could have ever hoped for I just want you to know that whatever happens I will come back for you. I will move back if that's what it takes. I know it all seems so rushed, I feel so bad taking advantage of your drunken state and I would bet my last penny you feel the same. And just so you know, I remember bits and pieces. If you want to know what really happened I wrote them down and stuffed the note behind the important numbers magnet on your fridge where I put my number earlier. Well you are getting out of the shower now. You have been in there for almost an hour and a half. So I will hurry and hide this. Call me, I miss you already.

Tonio

He knows what happened? I quickly used the tape out of the drawer to tape the paper scraps together and folded the paper up and put it in my pocket and grabbed the first one and did the same. I turned to the fridge and say just a tiny corner stick out behind the magnet.

"What are you hiding?" I asked the little magnet as if it could tell me what Tonio hid there.

I peeled the magnet from the metal and caught the paper before it fell to the floor. I opened it to see what I never would have guessed. A hunt from one place to the next telling me what we did in that place. I sighed and let my head meet the counter top a little too hard.

Vatican chose to show up and beg for food right then. I fed him some dry cat food and petted him and then changed the water dish. I went to the garage and gasped when my car was there in my garage. On the dash of my charger was a little tent of paper with "Your Car?" written in Sharpie so I would see it. The keys lay on the driver's seat. I pulled the note from the dash.

_I am so glad you followed the first clue._

First clue? I scrambled around and found that I left the note on the counter. _I bet Vatican left you a "present"_

Prompting me to go to the garage where he had parked my car since he obviously went and got it.

_I might have forgotten, where's the closet? I might have forgotten to put your coat away._

I didn't wear a coat last night. I cleaned the litter box for Vatican who promptly left me a new present.

I ran to the closet and ripped it open. All of my coats and things had been pushed to the sides and my purse hung in the middle with a little scrap of paper sticking out of the pocket. I pulled it out to read it and shut the door.

_I think you left this with Matthew? Thought as much your phone needed a charge when I brought it home so I plugged it in did you find it? Maybe I left it in the couch? _

My phone? It wasn't in the couch it was in the bedroom charging. That's the next clue now maybe I will understand what he is trying to get me to find. I went down the hall to the living room we walked through before my memory goes out the window.

That's when I saw it. My kiss on a scrap of paper; I flipped it over.

_We shared these here and there and I hope the railing is okay… or do you call it a banister? Either way, you were pretty worried that we would break it._

Oh god, that banister is custom made. I paid almost a thousand dollars just for the banister not including the engraving I had done.

I ran my hand against the banister there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it. Then I felt it on the side of the banister there was a little note taped there.

_MMM you make this perfect; I think I forgot to tell you. My job is making people remember things they can't, due to shock, and certain things. Drinking seems to the most popular one, now let's work on that. Oh and I taste pretty good right? You sure liked me last night. What does your sister think?_

"What does Feli have to do with this?" I thought out loud. Then it hit me, before Feli left she had written on her door with markers and I had on mine, that way no one would end up in the wrong room when we had someone over. There was a note taped to the door at eye level.

_So do you remember the job downstairs? How about here? And I guess you know what happened behind the next door._

I pulled the little paper from the door, that's how Feli knew. She walked through she saw the one on the couch then the banister and then her room; she only went in to make sure we didn't touch anything. That's how she knew to search the bed.

I walked over to the vanity and put on a little eye shadow, I was going to call and make a date, make this more than a one night stand; I had too. There was one more note.

_Don't bother with makeup, you are beautiful without it. Oh and open the middle drawer._

Queen of Curiosity, opens the drawer. Everything that was in the drawer is now gone but the drawer is full of condoms. Great. One more thing I have to deal with.

I slammed the drawer and pulled my cell phone out and ran downstairs to the fridge. I dialed his number and got immediate voicemail.

"Hello _Amigo_," his voice cheery and an audible smile played across his lips. "this is Antonio. Leave a message at the tone, _Gracias_!" and a loud beep then I spoke up.

"Hello Antonio, this is Lovina. Thank you for last night, and bringing my car and purse back. I appreciate it. And thanks for giving me something to do with the little notes, but I am afraid that Feli found out before I did. She stormed in after I explained why I had Alfred get rid of Francis, but you don't hear about that. You want to hear me so call me back, make a date."

I ended the call knowing that if I said goodbye, I wouldn't get over it.


End file.
